jay tee

Anyways

2007-09-27T09:26:50Z

I'm in college now mawfuckahs. I just wrote my first paper. I've smoked alot since I got here. My laptop is covered in all manner of college-filth. I don't keep proper care of my cellphone. I have listened to a lot of Beck and The Knife (all moods fall under their jurisdiction). And I'm starting to feel like I'm actually old enough to be here and not just a misplaced figment of fifteen-year-old me's imagination. I ate catfish today. I felt somehow vindicated when somebody played "Jaan Pehechaan Ho" at a party last weekend and not one person was not dancing.

So basically. Very gay tie in COLLEGE.

Fruit of the room

2007-06-17T04:49:20Z

So Van Gordon and September are asleep on my bed and I'm waiting for further friends to come and it's like midnight and stuff. The last few weeks have been bizarre. I'm wearing Van Gordon's pants and September is wearing mine and I've spent the whole day like:

"Oh. You guys gonna make out now. Thass cool. I'll just...be here."

My entire social world (which was not all that vast or complicated) is shifting around uncomfortably. I haven't seen people I want to see, and seen a shitload of some incredibly random people. Also, you know how through most of high school you don't really do all the things that television told you were coming when you were a young child? That all pretty much happens in the last two months of school.
Only four finals next week. I want to go to the city, drive on 78, hang at strip malls and take in all the Jersey accents I can before disappearing into the wilds of Wisconsin on August 18th. This painful separation anxiety is soothed by the fact that I will be around a substantial number of other art/lit nerds and gay people for the first time since my last year at Appel Farm. And even with all the aforementioned uncomfortable shifting, I don't want anything to change. It's a naive expectation, but I want for college to be a place where people like my friends are the norm.

So now I await...THE END.

Promageddon

2007-05-18T11:55:23Z

Prom is fucking TONIGHT. I have a lot of shit to do after school today, as well as a viola lesson. So basically loads of fun.
The afterparty is going to be incredibly chaste, most likely. Ingredients will include:

-Guitar Hero
-Cheap formal wear
-Over-zealous mother (this is more of a worry for the beforeparty though)
-"Volta"
-Cathartic dancing
-Excessive photography

Kind of excited...

This makes me so so happy

2007-05-14T21:25:06Z

First period

2007-05-10T12:08:10Z

So uh... the last three months have been good. I guess. I visited Earlham and it was kind of crappy, so I'm now officially going to Beloit (this means that I'll be in Wisconsin and majoring in creative writing).
I got arrested last tuesday, because I'm a big idiot. I'm sick of recounting the details but I got charged with possession/paraphanelia. I'll probably get probation or something so it's not that big a deal. Also, it's been kind of pleasant being clean after a month of non-stop stoning.
Going to prom with Wyatt next weekend, and then finally getting my car the day after. Am excited for both of these things.
Also I've had psychotic insomnia for the last few days. I literally didn't sleep last night, and ended up going to the Stirling Diner for breakfast at five in the morning. So now I'm full of eggs and coffee and dying a little bit.
The insomnia hasn't been too bad of an experience actually. I got about 100 pages into "The Yiddish Policeman's Union." And since I stopped sleeping, I've actually gotten substantial writing done for the first time since I finished that last journal. I've been so full of nostalgia and impatience and love for all my friends and frustration with myself and others that it's been kind of paralyzing.
I need to stop now, or else i'll just keep typing, so... yeah.

I REALLY need to leave the house

2007-02-14T17:17:58Z

So I have just slept for 11 uninterrupted hours and it was the single greatest experience of my life to date. I was out sick yesterday, meaning I sat in my room and watched silence of the lambs while smoking the occasional painful cigarette. Anyway, it was probably just the fact that I hadn't left my room all day, but I started to feel really weird about my future in its entirety. I was struck with a sudden urge not to leave the east coast. I got really sentimentally attached to everything for about an hour, and considered various bad ideas like just going to Uarts or Pratt instead of Earlham.

But I think I'm better now...

Texas was surprisingly cold

2007-02-08T00:18:33Z

So pretty much, my melancholy and depressing trip to Texas led to a melancholy and depressing poem (which is kind of unrelated to what made Texas so depressing)

Kept in place by a photo which
Waves in Austin’s chill air
Your eyes hold pupils
Cut to crescents by
Luminescent golden tint;
You dress yourself in
Black each day with purpose

In the old picture your
Eyes look off into the ceiling
Like Sebastian’s into expanses
Of God and cumulous clouds;
They channel back all of
What the sky contains as gold
In the crescent under-stroke
Of an iris

Green leers from the rest,
From your skin to the walls
Like nuclear heat, contained
By thick paper textured
Like weathered cloth,
Sealed in quarter segments
And sharpened creases

PS----> I got into Earlham, and think that I'm going to go there. Yay for matriculation!

Random new shit

2007-01-26T00:53:06Z

On my way to Austin tomorrow morning in order to see friends of my dad's. I'm possibly seeing my CTY writing teacher down there (and thus I am excited).

Also German is kicking my ass in the extreme. It's unnerving to be back in the position of starting a language after getting relatively far in French (i.e.= what the fuck is a dative case?).

Hearing response from first-choice school on FUCKING THURSDAY. This fact is pretty much driving me mad and causing me to lash out at friends and loved ones in anticipation (I can't wait for Iowa)

And as well, does anyone want to come see Grizzly Bear in New York with me? The dates are March 6th and 7th at Bowery Ballroom (...PARENTHESES).

Trimspa. Baby.

2006-12-06T00:32:33Z

So anyway school is boring. The teachers have pretty much given up already on making us do anything of substance. In order to stay awake in Challenges of Democracy Kelly and I got into a cootie-catcher contest to see who could make the smallest one. There was, also, this.

Torquemada

2006-11-29T21:55:52Z

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh *frustration*

Ich bin voll

2006-11-24T02:59:52Z

I ate far too much and I feel a little vomitous. Faaaaaaaaaar too much pie in a single day. I talked to my parents friends about Reed and Portland and Swiss German. There was also a book about the influence of surrealism on the Black Dahlia murder. Oh, how I do love being a child of the brie-eating liberal media elite.
Studying German is fun but pretty fruitless so far. It took me about fifteen minutes to make that subject line and I'm pretty sure it's grammatically incorrect.

I really have nothing to say, I just felt the need to update.

Speculation is fun

2006-11-19T23:27:25Z

So this is kind of the result of that high-concept senior prank me and Rebecca came up with a while ago. We were going to write everyone in our grade the future story of their life, with apt/insulting/bleak details. It's not really a full or edited piece or anything, just some shit I wrote after that conversation and was amused by.

I was thinking earlier about what I’ll write about in the future, in place of suburban New Jersey’s lurid subject matter. I was also remembering that brief time when I wanted to learn Farsi (it didn’t go very far, as languages with whole different alphabets have proved problematic in the past).
Any way, these disparate ends came to a singularity. They formed a very clear picture of my future, like a bunch of tea-leaves forming a picture that’s clear as a Polaroid. I was at the window (I still am), smoking a cigarette and reading, intermittently sipping chai while skillfully avoiding the rain. At this one second I felt almost Delphic and able to see my future with exact detail. Now that I think about it, that’s not really an apt comparison, because my thoughts were making a surprising amount of sense.
I will learn Farsi and become a translator for the army after flunking out of college (my high school transcript is able to predict the future too). I will be kicked out for being gay, left in Iran where I’ll become a deserter rather than just discharged. It’ll be in the middle of whatever middle east war is coming, the big one that’ll signal the absolute decline of America as a superpower.
Years later I’ll write memoirs upon leaving Iran, and my face will be weathered and creased in the author photo. My desertion and subsequent years in the middle east will become my subject matter, the way Vietnam is for Tim O’Brien or child abuse is for Augusten Burroughs. These memoirs will become relics of the time, the “Slouching Towards Bethlehem” for the September 11th generation. I will live in Paris from that point on, due to pursual by military authorities.
Throughout the book I’ll to this moment by the window of that house in Jersey (failing to mention this journal page), not unlike picture-in-picture TV. If people were to see me in this moment they would take note of the chai in the same way that people now would take note of a picture with Jane Fonda holding chopsticks.
Ironically, my sexuality will cease to matter to me, even though it will have served as the lynchpin of my story. There will have been brief affairs with dark-eyed, effeminate Iranian young men, but they will each be taken from me by government-issued execution. They’ll each have a chapter. My books will be bi-lingual in all countries, Persian on one side and whichever language on the other. I’ll have a fatwa against me like Salman Rushdie, but I’m unclear as to whether this will be how I die or not.

Des Moines + Raymond Carver = Depressing

2006-10-30T00:43:10Z

I'm back from Iowa, and have deduced that I hate airplanes more than anything. I read all of 'Cathedral' on the way there and I was so bored on the way back. My only amusement was trying to keep the plane in the air by sheer force of will. Such are the consequences when I'm not being distracted from ominous jet-engine sounds. But anyway. Had a good time at Grinnell despite perilous airplane adventures.

As far as Halloween goes I'm debating between being JT Leroy or Johnny Cash. This year needs to be good, as it's the last time I can go from door to door without being OFFICIALLY creepy.

Kind of late to say so, but TV on the Radio were fucking ridiculous. Except for that fat kid that kept elbowing me in the face, and the quartet competition I had to wake up for the next day. The whole experience really made me want to go back to Philadelphia permanently. Also, Dot's dad made waffles.

I <3 being a senior

2006-10-17T01:42:48Z

Ah very good day today. I got my first critique from my CTY writinglady, and I must say she is my very favorite Tiny Vietnamese Country Singer. Her myspace music is her cover of 'Wayfaring Stranger.' AWESOME. I think I'm going to be Johnny Cash for Halloween.
I love these rare spans of time when I actually feel completely fine with my abilities, and don't have intermittent spaz attacks relating to worthlessness as a human being/ inability to do anything but sit around watching movies on gay cable.
Speaking of which I have three days coming up this week with the house completely to myself from noon until the evening.

[see header]

No more looking through photos before bed

2006-10-09T23:13:14Z

I had a reaaaaally good dream last night. I actually audibly cursed when I woke up. Pretty much about yet another sort-of-straight-but-not guy who was extremely attractive. I won't say his name cause it would be embrassing. But it was nice and took place in a grocery store. Whatever that means.
Anyway, I ended up writing about it instead of doing my work in Psych. And then me and Steph left early when the professor went to the bathroom. because we are BADASSES.

West Village with Julie was very nice, and made me feel very inadequate and suburban. All the guys taller/older/better dressed. For some reason I bought a rosary from this Chinese guy and it was a good night.

I got my ticket in the mail today for TV on the Radio!!!
I am mad with anticipation.

keyboards are confusing and horrible

2006-10-05T19:19:38Z

I'm kind of bored right now. So far this business of gettign home at 12:30 every day has been good. But astoundingly boring at times, such as now. So far I've drunk four glasses of tea and one pot of espresso, and i still feel bored. I even fucking jogged. This must be what retirement feels like.

I'm trying to teach myself to touch-type, and this entry is taking a reeeeeally long time to write

collegeshitissofuckinginteresting111!one!

2006-10-01T23:47:15Z

I visited Sarah Lawrence yesterday and it was really good and I want to go there so badly it's like oh jesus. The campus is beautiful, it's close to NY and home, and all the work you ever do is in essay form. The only problem is the fact that it's pretty much 75% rich white girls and 25% rich white gay boys. The latter isn't too bad because this means that they are all well dressed and good-looking. However, I do not have seven kajillion dollars to spend on tuition each year. So perhaps no after all.

But it's so pretty!

And so close to New York!

And I could find myself a nice rich husband!

Anyways. I have to get back to writing the portfolio and the several essays that I must complete before the week is over. Also I've resolved to finish Swann's Long-Ass Motherfucking Way before Halloween. I have also resolved to die.

Le boyfriend c'est non plus

2006-09-18T01:47:29Z

So, Chris is gone now. I had a conversation with him over the phone yesterday, completely severing all ties.
If anything, the whole thing has given me a concrete grasp of what I do and don't want. I don't want someone who veils sex as "trying to connect," I don't want someone who goes to Pingry and always talks like he's mingling at a party. I do not want drama, especially when it's formed completely withtout my participation. Most of all, I do not want someone who considers budding codependency "love."
I just want someone who I can meet at Borders, who will dance with me to Cat Power even though it's impossible to dance to Cat Power; someone who won't try to make me happy when I already am without him. Basically, i want someone who doesn't exist in the idiom of the teenage gay boy.
I am very happy to be single.

Back again

2006-08-28T19:34:27Z

So... how was your summer?
Mine was extremely uneventful, with the major exception of Chris: french lessons, college bullshit, and only one trip into the city. I do believe I am becoming dull.
Chris, by the way, is sarah's girlfriend's gay boy. We are now going out after much delay, and it is very nice. He's very good-looking and wore a Klimt tee-shirt on our first date.

Two major things about college:
a) I got a 4 on the AP Lang exam without taking the course thank you very much Ridge Guidance Dept.
b) my GPA is not nearly as horrible as I suspected

See you at school motherfuckers!

Edit-----> Is anyone else leaving school after sixth period? Both my parents are gonna be at work on tuesday and thursday, and i need a carpool/ride to RVCC until my driver's test in december.

Decide for yourself

2006-06-18T21:29:38Z

Is it just me, or does Madonna resemble Hedwig more and more with each passing hour?

<http://thebosh.com/archives/upload/2006/06/madonna-get-to.jpg>

<http://www.planetout.com/images/entertainment/starstruck/hedwig.jpg>

Studying has "ruined" my grammar

2006-06-13T01:44:27Z

So on friday I was supposed to have a date that didn't end up happening. Fuck, shit, etc.

The header on this entry is completely true. I was studying for my language final for like an hour and now I feel like I'm not speaking Engish correctly. (the quotation marks are ironic, bien sur)

In other news I have discovered three amazing new talents of mine:

1) Driving, sans death

2) Hand-rolling cigarettes

3) Insulting Gabby in mangled French

Ms. Simon is a miserable whore (minimum paths aren't algebra)

2006-05-26T23:30:59Z

Good CHRIST, has this week sucked. You knew those days when you feel like you have absolutely no future whatsoever and it's all your fault? Yeah, it was one of those.
Ultimately, everything causing those feelings is fixable. But still, I kind of want to not be sixteen. I would much prefer 86. No one bothers you then, and by that time my math teacher will be long dead. Worms will be crawling in and out of her hardened cellulite.

Anyway, here is the tracklist of my birthday present to Dot:

Jaan Pehechaan Ho - Mohammed Rafi
Jumpers - Sleater Kinney
Not About Love (bootleg version) - Fiona Apple
Come On! Feel The Illinoise! - Sufjan Stevens
These Days - Nico
Ambulance - TV On The Radio
Four Women - Nina Simone
The Big One - Nellie McKay
Phanta - Le Tigre
Apple Blossom - White Stripes
Dirty Business - Dresden Dolls
Rush &-> Warp - Melt Banana
Fox Confessor Brings The Flood - Neko Case
Antony And The Johnsons - Spiralling
No Child Of Mine - Marianne Faithfull
Seven Silver Curses - Fiery Furnaces
Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis

Favorite albums (according to the alphabet)

2006-03-22T02:57:33Z

Anthology (Xray Spex)
Broken English (Marianne Faithfull)
Crimes (Blood Brothers)
De Stijl (White Stripes)
Elastica (Elastica)
Finest Hour (Nina Simone)
Get Away From Me (Nellie Mckay)
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (Neutral Milk Hotel)
The Jam (The Jam)
Kissin Time (Marianne Faithfull)
Le Tigre (Le Tigre)
Medulla (Bjork)
No (New Order)
Once Upon a Time (Siouxsie and the Banshees)
Parallel Lines (Blondie)
Q - Best of 1999
Rain Dogs (Tom Waits)
Singles Going Steady (Buzzcocks)
This Year's Model (Elvis Costello)
Under Construction (Missy Elliott)
Viva! La Woman (Cibo Matto)
Wild At Honey (Guitar Vader)
X (X)
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots (Flaming Lips)
Zap the World (Death by Chocolate)

4 short items

2006-03-15T21:52:40Z

1) I never update.

2) School is hell as per usual. College is looking pretty decent on all fronts, even if it is in Iowa.

3) I got a black cat. Her name is Miuccia and she likes to roll around in the empty tub upstairs. Also, she likes to eat my hand.

4) Also, my childhood has died. http://community.livejournal.com/powerrangers/119384.html

SHY TO FCUCK WITH YOUR SHORT GUN?!?!?!?!111

2006-02-08T23:43:11Z

This be a Missy Elliott exclusive LJ entry collabo of JT and Meredith....

Sit yo' ass down.

make we bad back she principle. bought letters across purpose. thats
wanted night bought corner love.
supposedto suddenly miserable news. nothing yours or bad slow?
why social added reference sugar. thats she thats taught yours rich.
shining you mischievous edge embarrass filled. hard pretty not latter?
tying anything young carefully.

[already fly explain whom similar raise. end studied studied.]

social letters benefit fly. music sandwich thus arms? pretty purpose
nothing embarrass reference steps.
did teach is suddenly companion. social embarrass bad social fascinate
he, anything motor appearance music purpose.
thats prison letters black. promised somewhere development black?
studied teach being somewhere,
few bought wife is commit speaking. find sandwich commit across
mischievous black.

supposedto nothing night off young. she gym money.
she shining explain.
allow side benefit sugar. light arms disappoint he miserable,
speaking end added servants, filled fascinate find or reply. friends
pretty fascinate similar slow whom.
off mischievous letters bought wrong,

[news my bought. commit wanted carefully shining respect? next wanted parents. purpose evening did teach yours explain? raise disappoint human explain he. leader teach somewhere latter supposedto. why explain pride raise he he? embarrass steps benefit black here anybody. a filled force nothing end companion. window anybody music very, mentioned leader principle mischievous next somewhere. benefit appearance anybody thus.]

bad across or explain.
corner we hard supposedto steps? sandwich filled already shining is?
least promised carefully light goes love? you anybody evening commit
mentioned? whom raise profession wrong filled light,
window embarrass pretty wife wife. different not development beautiful
rich.
wrong out different? very prison find? shining anything mischievous
back.

[my mentioned black fire servants the. he black arms bought few out.]

Bigger Your Small-Size Peniis
mischievous Dont Wait, Bigger Today & Fcuk Tomorrow